So John is now back. Now onto Pt B. But before that, John needs to protect himself with a statement of intelligence.
Now when it comes to death through blakang mati, it's NOT to be interpreted as a homophobic statement. When it comes to death by firing squad, it's theoretically possible for prisoners to be shot while their backs are facing the executioners. In reality, someone did the blakang mati death sentence before. His name was Vlad III. Also known as Impaler of Wallachia, Bram Stoker's source of inspiration, and the reinforced fact that the Slavs never liked the Germans even though they're both white.
Just don't ask me whether Sentosa used to be ruled by the Principality of Wallachia just because its original name was Pulau Blakang Mati.
Group B: Portugal, Spain, Morocco, Iran
Note: Due to realistic constraints in time, space, and actual hunger, John can only afford to do one half of Group B.
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A Seleção das Quinas
Will Portugal do a Spain? In 2012, La Furia Roja won the Eurovision. 2 years ago, La Furia Roja won the World Cup. Under Fernando "Santo Fernando" Santos, the Portuguese team is reinvented as a team high on the organisation and not so much on individual artists. This was the reason why Les Bleus lost it at the last hurdle. If C.R Sete was the talisman, then Santo Fernando would be the one making it. It was evident that the battle of two master organisers resulted in Santo Fernando claiming a win over Didier "will it be Didier's Des Championnes this year?" Deschamps. To highlight how important was Santo Fernando, Portugal had to play the vast majority of the final match without C.R Sete. Yes, Ronaldo has a body fit for a young Zeus while his girlfriend has the figure of a goddess. But he's not literally a god, there's no way he can avoid injury. The fact that his physical limitation is the nearest thing to Wolverine is already a miracle by itself (I won't say Colossus because that'd be Casemiro).
Ultimately, Santo Fernando proved to us that his tactical understanding and organisation planning was something sorely lacking during the 1986 World Cup. Back then Diego "El Mano" Maradona took the world by storm and grabbed the English in between the legs (note: John is referring to the English male gender in this context. John is not doing this to impress Emilia "404 Jon and Daario not found" Clarke or Emma "will she be a Dr" Watson with his language skill. It's for the sake of being civil). If only Santo Fernando was there back then. Either way, Santo Fernando is living proof that while El Mano was considered a one-man(o) army during his time, the likes of Luís "so does he still eat pork?" Figo and Rui "not a Diego" Costa combined were never a match for a master tactician. Which is exactly what Santo Fernando truly is.
Strategy and tactics:
If it ain't broken, don't fix it. John doesn't expect Santo Fernando to do anything out of the blue or red. On the backline, don't be surprised if Pepe and Bruno "O Bravo" Alves will get the starting nod. Experience counts for a lot in the eyes of a coach who thinks like Santo Fernando. Portugal is now a team focused on defensive organisation and ball retention. This means experience and technique should be of a higher priority over youth and tenacity. Of course, there's a need to strike a balance. This would be where two fullbacks below the age of 30 come in. John is referring to Cédric "will he soar this year?" Soares and Raphaël "used to be as French as Varane" Guerreiro.
The former is a rightback racking up 28 caps so far while the latter is a leftback having just 5 caps short (i.e. 23). At the same time, they're at the right place at the right stage of their careers so far. Despite an abysmal season with Southampton, it could be argued that Soares wasn't exactly helped by the departure of Claude "not Makélélé" Puel. As for Guerreiro, he's definitely in safe hands in the form of Borussia Dortmund. Interestingly, Guerreiro was picked for this year's squad despite a season riddled by arrows in the knee.
The holding midfield will be where the battle shall be won or lost. This is because experience and tactical pedigree can only count for this much without cover. At the young age of 26 with a whopping 42 caps (definitely one hell of a whopper for someone below 30), William "the Conqueror" Carvalho is a favourite to start. At a whopping height of 1.9m, this guy is taller than perhaps more than half of the centreback population. As a defensive mid, he's the conqueror of them all. His physical presence shouldn't be underestimated as he can provide sufficient cover for two ageing centrebacks a centimetre or two shorter. At the age of 26, you can be very sure there will be plenty of good years left in him and plenty of fuel in his tank ready to burn.
It's very likely that Santo Fernando will opt for a 4-3-3. The logic behind this guess is very simple. You have one whopper of a defensive mid in the form of William the Conqueror. Then you have the Super João Bros. The younger one goes by the name Mário. Not to be confused by an Italian plumber created by the Japanese who jumps like a Jordan while grabbing coins like a Shylock. The older one is none other than the famous Moutinho himself. If Mário is Portugal's Luigi, then Moutinho is definitely that Mario. As a player who can operate as a ball-passing defensive mid, Moutinho can be seen as a player who gets better with age. He's already 31, but John won't be surprised if he still got plenty to offer. After all, his presence can be seen as the glue to the middle 3.
Key player:
Like him or hate him, C.R Sete is truly world class. Love him or hate him, J.Mou was right in his assessment of C.R Sete. That was before things went downhill.
As a coach, J.Mou was commenting on a player no different from an animal. As a player, said animal of a man is nothing less than a determined beast out to do things his way. After Zlatan "I retired entire nations and teams 4 teh lolz" Ibrahimović decided to retire from international football (that was after he famously sent the whole of Denmark into temporary retirement), C.R Sete is now the last player of his kind. Charismatic, driven, and a natural leader at the forefront. Over the years, he evolved from an orthodox winger to an attacking mid. As a player who can play in the two aforementioned positions, C.R Sete can also easily play either as the forward or wide forward. That makes him effectively the kind of player who can operate in four positions. His versatility is a result of hard work, constructive individualism, and very likely tactical instincts which no other player can have. J.Mou was right. C.R Sete was an animal of a man. And he still is. He's no Holloway's hamster. He's the lion of Iberia.
Enough about the flattery. They can come later if Portugal does a Spain. Or rather a reverse-Spain. Santo Fernando will need to get the best out of his lion. Against France, it was defence versus defence, counter versus counter, organisation versus organisation. In this group alone, there's a team which can capitalise should C.R Sete injure himself like a mortal man. John will come to that later. Hopefully, no one will execute an illegal technique fit for a terrorist again. Where Santo Fernando will deploy C.R Sete may easily affect the game. Out wide, he will have to run more. The team will have to slow down play more oft than not and that'd suit the team rather than the individual. Deploy him in the centre and he will grab the game in between its legs. This would suit the individual, hence benefitting the team. Ask John and he'd prefer the latter. Ask Santo Fernando and he may give a different answer.
Also, here's an interesting fact: Out of the list of strikers, only one orthodox striker is included. André "not a David" Silva is definitely young. At the age of 22, he's got the height of Goliath. As for the rest, they're actually wingers capable of operating as strikers rather than a specialised centre-forward. So will we see a Goliath blessed with the youth of David coming off the bench and steal C.R Sete's giant thunder?
Verdict: John expects Portugal to go far. Maybe even all the way to a reverse-Spain, who knows? Santo Fernando's proven pedigree as a master tactician means this much.
Like him or hate him, C.R Sete is truly world class. Love him or hate him, J.Mou was right in his assessment of C.R Sete. That was before things went downhill.
As a coach, J.Mou was commenting on a player no different from an animal. As a player, said animal of a man is nothing less than a determined beast out to do things his way. After Zlatan "I retired entire nations and teams 4 teh lolz" Ibrahimović decided to retire from international football (that was after he famously sent the whole of Denmark into temporary retirement), C.R Sete is now the last player of his kind. Charismatic, driven, and a natural leader at the forefront. Over the years, he evolved from an orthodox winger to an attacking mid. As a player who can play in the two aforementioned positions, C.R Sete can also easily play either as the forward or wide forward. That makes him effectively the kind of player who can operate in four positions. His versatility is a result of hard work, constructive individualism, and very likely tactical instincts which no other player can have. J.Mou was right. C.R Sete was an animal of a man. And he still is. He's no Holloway's hamster. He's the lion of Iberia.
Enough about the flattery. They can come later if Portugal does a Spain. Or rather a reverse-Spain. Santo Fernando will need to get the best out of his lion. Against France, it was defence versus defence, counter versus counter, organisation versus organisation. In this group alone, there's a team which can capitalise should C.R Sete injure himself like a mortal man. John will come to that later. Hopefully, no one will execute an illegal technique fit for a terrorist again. Where Santo Fernando will deploy C.R Sete may easily affect the game. Out wide, he will have to run more. The team will have to slow down play more oft than not and that'd suit the team rather than the individual. Deploy him in the centre and he will grab the game in between its legs. This would suit the individual, hence benefitting the team. Ask John and he'd prefer the latter. Ask Santo Fernando and he may give a different answer.
Also, here's an interesting fact: Out of the list of strikers, only one orthodox striker is included. André "not a David" Silva is definitely young. At the age of 22, he's got the height of Goliath. As for the rest, they're actually wingers capable of operating as strikers rather than a specialised centre-forward. So will we see a Goliath blessed with the youth of David coming off the bench and steal C.R Sete's giant thunder?
Verdict: John expects Portugal to go far. Maybe even all the way to a reverse-Spain, who knows? Santo Fernando's proven pedigree as a master tactician means this much.
( )
La Furia Roja
Sorry to everybody. Blogspot coding is declaring war on John. The alignment is never a slight towards anybody, this John can assure the correct J.Lo. Also, his super damn sianjipua face has got nothing to do with John. Anyway, this is Julen, his last name is Lopetegui. John knows the latter sounds like laopeh der gwee. Whether he will be the laopeh to Aragonés' ahkong remains to be seen, but he's definitely unrelated to Der Gwee.
He's that awesome. Even more awesome than Gandalf before he turned white. J.Lo needs him to hold the fort. Thankfully, Spain isn't Man Utd in the same way J.Mou isn't Pep.
You know you're officially the most well-known man in the world under either of the two circumstances:
1. You're responsible for peace in the Korean Peninsula due to FB and the kind of analysis only the likes of Guo Jia would be capable of.
2. You turned the opponent keeper into some sort of slow loris while executing the kind of illegal technique fit for a terrorist.
The first scenario is never ever going to happen. Because it's like telling John that Claudia "unrelated to the nukes" Kim is interested in an otter who is never ever one at all. The second scenario is... well, sorta real. And John says sorta because he doesn't want to play judge and jury.
4 years ago, Diego "El Bestia" Costa was booed like some enemy of the state. Actually, he was indeed an enemy of the Brazilian state for a reason. He did the same thing Deco did last time around. And Brazil never forgot this act of treason which would have fetched the offender a death sentence called hanged, drawn, and quartered. Thankfully, the Brazilians can never be the English. Hence, Costa was never William Wallace.
Strategy and tactics:
The story of Spain so far was one of a blazing furious roller coaster. For years, Spain was called the nation of chokers. It's like Cardiff City in the days of yore.
Then came the watershed moment. A moment of national celebration. There were two things Luis Aragonés was famous for. The first was an infamous episode involving a black dude and white colonialism. The second would be football's equivalent to having Claudia "again, it's unrelated to the nukes" Kim as your girlfriend even though Señor Aragonés hated the colour yellow.
After 2008, Vicente "El Marqués" del Bosque took over the team. In an instance, La Furia Roja became... well, John doesn't know the direct opposite of the word Furia, so let's just call the team La Roja. Because there's nothing Furia about the team from 2008 to 2014. Apart from that freak show known as the Euro 2012 final 4-0 win. That'd be like scoring a one-off date with Claudia "seriously, it's really unrelated to the nukes" Kim. 2014 was where it all ended. And rightfully so, as harsh as it sounds. There were two fatal loopholes in Marqués del Bosque's version of tiki-taka. The first one would be that he's no Pep "the most famous Pep" Guardiola, Catalan or no Catalan. The second one would be how Louis "King Louis XIX" van Gaal brutally exploited the fallacy behind the now infamous reverse tiki-taka. That was 4 years after La Roja reached the pinnacle of footballing glory (erm no, John isn't interested in coming up with another Claudia "okay, let's stop with the nukes here" Kim joke reference. He's not creative enough for a round 3). In 2010, Nigel "not Luuk" de Jong nearly committed culpable homicide in broad daylight. In 2014, the Oranje murdered La Roja in the most clockwork manner. Costa was booed as a national traitor, Arjen "he robbed opponents 4 teh lolz" Robben was hailed as a national hero, and Andrés "El Gigante" Iniesta's flashes of brilliance behind the firing line was the only silver lining for a nation totally gutted. It's like seeing Miss España working in Amsterdam for all the wrong reasons. It's really that bad. Although the Miss España part was a figure of speech.
So what was the real fatal loophole behind the reverse tiki-taka? The answer is very simple: The team lacked intensity and was guilty of overreliance on Iniesta. 11 red shirts were dominating the pitch, but the fury was nowhere to be seen. You know what this means?
The lack of attacking urgency and pace was brutally exploited. If it takes 30 passes to score 2 goals, then the only way to counter it is to use 3 passes to score a goal. Statistics can be deceiving. Especially when it comes to possession. This was the reason behind J.Mou's greatest troll job since Pito Vilanova. 30 passes are all about retaining the ball, 3 passes are all about pace and aggression. No one was telling any team to blast it like Ramos. Oops, sorry wrong channel. Ramos only blasted penalty kicks. John is talking about the English whenever the ball is in open play. Anyway, goals won't come if non-aggression is being pitted against a bus. And that's what King Louis XIX did: To park a Dutch bus in the middle and throw Marqués del Bosque under the wheels.
It doesn't matter whose bus Spain would have to face next. Enough was enough. El Marqués del Bosque lived and died by his reverse tiki-taka. In any international or continental tournaments, there will always be teams out to park a bus. It's not a question of whether it's a Dutch bus or Irish bus. It's a matter of blowing up the bus. Because only by doing so can the match be won. Unconvincing wins can steady the ship, but convincing wins can create a momentum. And momentum would be what Real Federación Española de Fútbol need the most. Out went El Marqués and in came J.Lo.
No, John is not joking here. It's really J.Lo. But not the more famous J.Lo.
He never had the best start in his career. In fact, his greatest success was during his previous managerial stint. That was with Porto. It didn't end well. Yet, the friendlies so far did give the Spanish faithful something to hope about. Apart from the 3-3 draw against Russia, but that's quite likely a *bleep*.
As someone who coached Porto before, J.Lo is in a favourable position tactically speaking. Unlike Spanish football, Portuguese football tends to be more physical. This was what La Roja was lacking all the while! Managing the national team is a different monster to managing a domestic team. Luis Aragonés was a genius for the Spanish national team, but the swansong was anything but a good song. And therein lies the interesting part: Turkish football is also physical.
This is definitely a moment of transition for Spanish football. Unless Pep decided to commit high treason after calling time on his Man City career, Spain is surely in for another historical moment. From 2008 to 2012, Spain was experiencing a history of greatness. From 2018 onward, the nation is now facing a history of transition where the boy (i.e. tiki-taka as it is right now) must die so that the man (i.e. a more aggressive and direct philosophy) can be born. To quote Aemon Targaryen himself: "Winter is almost upon us".
Key player:
J.Lo is truly blessed to have a great team to choose from. During the Chu-Han conflict, the great general Han Xin boasted that the more men at his disposal, the better. Whether J.Lo can be like Han Xin or just a random S'porean Han depends on a group of local talents (because only local talents are legal when it comes to any national team including Singapore).
David "Der Geas" de Gea. The number one keeper in Europe right now (although Akinfeev would want to contest such a claim). He is the geas of every striker, midfielder, defender, and even Peter "not Kasper" Schmeichel. His awesome saves could have saved Ned Stark from death. Don't believe John?
Sergio "the Catalan half of the Super Sergio Bros" Busquets. Say what you want or like about him. From the strategic point of view, J.Lo needs him. To ensure the aggression won't be lost, it's important for the team to have a dependable defensive mid. Busquets is the best bet for the job with 102 caps even before he hit 30 (i.e. he's 29). The reason why he's so infamous as one half of the Super Sergio Bros is due to his history when he was young and dangerous like Chan Ho-nam roaming around in Causeway Bay. Together with his bro Ramos, they were effectively picking up red cards like two lotharios picking up señoritas. As time went by, the Super Sergio Bros mellowed quite a bit. Okay, maybe not that quite a bit considering the illegal technique and something about a slow loris. La Roja needs his experience, aggression, and ball retention skill if it desires to be La Furia Roja once again.
The last amigo on the list may well be J.Lo's trump card. This is Isco, the disco of the team and the offensive Cisco system of the tournament. In the recently concluded domestic season, he played the upstart to C.R Sete and GB11. Le Professeur X trusted him. Cisco Isco Disco never failed to impress his boss. To understand why he may well be the revelation of the tournament, one must understand his playing style.
His willingness to share the defensive duty in a deep-lying position under Carlo "Signore Milan" Ancelotti's watchful eye developed him into the kind of tactical player capable of assuming the false 9 role. Even though his pace is never at the level of C.R Sete and GB11, his quick feet and equally quick brain should mean La Furia (?) Roja is able to transit defensive organisation into offensive momentum anywhere across the pitch. 4 years ago, the Germans had Thomas "Der Ninja" Müller. Fast forward 4 years later and there's Isco.
Verdict: How far La Furia Roja can go depends on J.Lo's choice of attacking wide players. Play it too passive and history risks repeating itself (plus more than just a random bus). With two ageing thoroughbreds in the form of Iniesta and David "not just any Silva" Silva, J.Lo needs to decide whether to utilise Isco and/or Koke instead. As for Diego "El Bestia" Costa, he's definitely going to be a starter. After all, Portuguese football is indeed more physical than its Spanish counterpart. Just don't ask John whether the Turks are more physical than the whole of Iberia.
Next up: Morocco, Iran, Peru, and that nation responsible for Foster's Lager, XXXX, and some Aussie dude called Alex.
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