It's often said in Singapore that you have the right to chase your rainbow. From the late ex-PM Lee Kuan Yew to the current DPM Lawrence "not the actor" Wong, this has been the motto of every Singaporean. So why am I bringing this up?
Burn it down like a henjin
Clearly, it's an exaggeration since I'm not emulating 2005. However, a recent reassessment of my writing dictated the need to burn at least half of the building. The thing about writing A Requiem From Winter Past is that there were signs of my inner fire gone slumbering instead of dead. Unlike my Twitter account, which I'm more than willing to abandon for good, there's always a chance that the flames will be fanned again.
Video gaming had a significant role in this, as the more I focus on gaming, the less I'd want to focus on writing. The reason was that visible results can be gratifying. After all, being pragmatic would mean you go for the seeable instead of the unseeable. This is where FF14 comes in.
For some unknown reason, playing FF14 reignited the writer in me. At first glance, it's due to playing FF14. After all, it does have a great story despite its flaws (e.g. Lyse's lack of development). But when I looked inside myself, it didn't feel this way. The connection wasn't there to back up the assumption. It's weird to see things developing in this way.
Recently, I decided to subscribe to Grammarly Premium. The reason why is that I realised I need it if I want to improve my story writing. There is a difference between doing blog posts and writing a story. One is synonymous with Xiaxue, and the other is about Neil "the Guy" Gaiman. For the latter, it's a shock for me. For the former, the standard of language isn't an issue. Without using the Premium version, I can minimise the technical errors (i.e. those underlined in yellow) via my own command in the English language.
Grammarly's standard of editing has improved by leaps and bounds. In the past, what I wrote for A Requiem From Winter Past would be worth 90+ marks. In this version, it's only slightly over 80. The shock was good for me. As a storyteller, I believe in improving myself. This comes to a staggering number of errors I had never noticed before. I couldn't even bear to scroll down. If there's anything worse than failing my exams during school (and I did), it'd be this. I'm no Kevin "unrelated to Guan Yu unless proven by science" Kwan, nor am I a genius. But storytelling is the one thing I'm confident of. That is apart from gaming on a low mid-core level. I have to thank the fact I'm playing an Astrologian in FF14.
Attempting to rectify the errors in the same way I tried doing for my blog posts was a massive mistake. Not only is this the gap between Xiaxue and Gaiman, but it's also the difference between blind positivity and Soken "he doesn't own SoftBank" Masayoshi's understanding of reality below.
As a result, I had to choose: Do I want to subscribe to Grammarly Premium. If the answer is no, it'd mean the end of my path as a storyteller. But if the answer is yes, then it means I'm still standing firm, circumstances and self-righteous criticism be damned.
Progress so far
Currently, I'm at one-third of the rewrite for chapter one. It's good to stretch my writing muscles after prolonged inactivity. The great thing about spending an annual 144 USD fee is that I don't have to fight a losing battle. At the same time, there's this issue of finding ways and alternatives to correct the mistakes. There are times when Grammarly's corrections are helpful. However, there are also moments when I need to utilise my own command of English to preserve my style of writing. Namely, one of a poetic flow instead of the typical prose. Looking back, it's an insane choice. It's one thing to chase your dream, quite another to be a henjin. I wasn't making this choice deliberately. It just flows naturally within me. Maybe I wasn't joking when I called myself a henjin.
I appreciate that Grammarly Premium doesn't give you corrections on a silver platter 100% of the time. Finding ways and alternatives are two different things. The latter means Grammarly can give you an edit, but the former means you have to correct it yourself. In Singaporean speak, we call this meritocracy. Whenever I saw the need to fix my words due to passive word usage, my approach was to tinker until it worked. It's actually more manageable than it initially seemed. But I'm not going to speculate why I can do it despite a blue-collar job and lack of paper qualifications.
A major issue I'm having now is that I'm only at the end of the Stormblood MSQ in FF14. Story content is hefty in this game. As a result, time management will be an issue as I want to at least finish Endwalker 6.0. Playing FF14 MSQ feels less like watching a Hollywood movie and more like reading a novel. In fact, a book full of blank pages waiting to be written instead of a portrayal of my inner self is how I view my Warrior of Light.
Right now, I'm implementing specific changes in the first chapter. Without spoiling anything, I need to cut away certain things. What I used to see as meat, I now see as pointless fat. I'm not a fan of pork barrel politics, but here I was doing my pork barrelling in chapter one. Beyond that, I will not change my way of doing things. If there's racism, you'll see racism. If there's violence and sex, I will not shy away from them. I'm not going to spend paragraphs or pages describing the unspeakable. I know many writers do that, but I want to do things my way. Just like a certain Miyazaki "not from Miyazaki" Hayao. The good thing about being a henjin is not about being different but rather because you know why.
I wouldn't be surprised if certain things I write will set people off. I will try my best to maintain a certain standard, but I don't need moral crusaders to tell me what I should and shouldn't do. I have to point this out because the world of liberal arts is now under attack from people who think they know better than others. This is also why I can't trust Western publishing firms. Twenty years ago, that wouldn't be the case.
To end this, I decide to share this. The reason why I know about how obsessed Japanese are with blood type is due to me being a henjin. Otherwise, I wouldn't know about stuff many of my fellow Singaporeans don't (e.g. the Ainu people, the Sack of Rome, and the Yue-Wu Conflict). Clearly, I don't believe in blood type personalities. Can you imagine being a blood type B daughter-in-law in Japan? You're probably going to be discriminated especially if your children would end up being AB type. So why am I sharing the information? Because I'm blood type A. And (Japanese) people say blood type A individuals are as stubborn as a certain ex-PM.
